| DADS TO BE
Talk to other dads
Knowing that you're going to be a dad is a momentous experience but one that brings lots of questions. Do I feel ready to be a father? How will we cope financially? Will the baby and my partner be OK?
These worries are all perfectly natural, but you may find that it helps to talk to other dads, or even your own, most of them will have asked themselves the same questions.
Antenatal classes
It's a good idea to find out what you're in for at the birth, so consider going to antenatal classes with your partner. They usually run every week for the last couple of months of pregnancy and most hospitals with birth units run antenatal classes.
What to expect
Don't expect your baby to arrive on its due date - it's only a rough guide. Although 40 weeks is the norm, don't be surprised if it happens a week or two earlier and going beyond 40 weeks is pretty common too.
It should be fairly obvious when your partner is in labour but signs to watch out for include:
- lower back pain sometimes accompanied by cramp
- contractions become more frequent and intense
- some blood-tinged discharge, which might include mucus
When labour starts
If her waters break there's no need to panic. This is the release of the amniotic fluid from the womb prior to birth. Call the maternity unit and ask for their advice. Some will ask you to come in, others will just say keep in touch.
If you're worried that things are happening much too fast, or if you have any other cause for concern, call an ambulance.
If you're driving your partner to the hospital, it's a good idea to plan the route in advance and make sure you know where the closest parking is.
Think about your role
Before your baby is born, you'll need to consider how you and you partner will split your time to care for them. You may want to think about the following:
- How will you balance breadwinning and caring for your baby?
- Will one of you stay home or might you both work part-time and split the childcare?
- What will family finances allow?
- Will other relatives (or friends) be able to help look after the baby?
- What affordable childcare is available locally?
- Would you consider earning less in exchange for more time with your baby?
Take time off work
Some fathers take some of their annual leave after the birth of their baby, while others take a combination of paternity leave and annual leave. Consider what's most appropriate in the circumstances for you, your partner and your baby.
Your children will grow up so quickly, so don't put work before them. No one ever said on their deathbed: "I wish I'd spent more time in the office".
Flexible work patterns
Does your job allow flexible working hours? If so, consider working the hours that best fit your baby's waking hours, and allow you to spend time with your partner and help out at home.
Find out if your employer has family-friendly work policies in place - these are available for fathers as well as mothers.
Make the most of the time you have
Getting involved in care when you have a new baby will not only help you bond with your baby but will also give your partner a break when she needs it most. For example take over in the evening, even if it's only for half an hour, and give your baby a bath or take them out for a walk.
Make life easier
In the early days, time and sleep will be at a premium. If you have small children you could cook and freeze meals at the weekends to save time during the week. Here are some other ways to save time:
- Reduce household chores, such as ironing, to a minimum.
- If you can afford it, consider having your shopping delivered.
Stay-at-home dads
A growing number of men are giving up work to look after their children while their partners go out to work. Many of them says it's harder work than a job, but much more rewarding.
It can sometimes be isolating looking after babies - you may not have the supportive networks that new mums enjoy and may be the only man at the local parent and toddler group.
If you're thinking of becoming an at-home dad, it's important to:
- Do at least one adult activity without the children once a week.
- Keep in touch with the world of work, eg doing a bit of freelance work at home.
- Talk to your partner so that a gulf doesn't emerge because you spend your time in a very different ways.
To-do list
- Start talking with your partner about your hopes and expectations before your baby is born.
- Use paternity leave and annual leave to enable you to have time at home.
- Find out about family-friendly policies at work.
- Gratefully accept all offers of help - don't try to be 'super dad'.
- Make the most of every moment you have at home.
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